


Abandoned

by orphan_account



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Gen, I Don't Even Know, Kinda AU, M/M, does whump have to make sense?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 12:40:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9820922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The blond grips him tight and his eyes burn brighter and brighter and Leorio is sure: Kurapika wants him, wants him to stay. Yet he still wakes in the morning to empty, knotted bedsheets.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Leorio whump, because reasons.

Kurapika’s mouth is hot on his, and he shivers excitedly when hands roam his sides then splay flat against his back to bring him in. Don’t stop, keep going, Leorio prays as they fall back against the hotel bed. His breath catches at the sight of blond hair falling around his lover’s face and his eyes, passionate and red...He swears he sees in those eyes the same feeling that blooms in his chest.

  
  
He thinks he feels it too when he's bent in half, each calf occupying one of Kurapika's shoulders. The lead up was sudden, the preparation and foreplay rushed in their excitement (they were cutting it close; Leorio only had a handful of hours before he was scheduled to return home) but he can feel a difference. Kurapika is not just looking at him, but he's seeing him. Leorio thinks it isn't just about physical pleasure, it can't be. The blond grips him tight and his eyes burn brighter and brighter and Leorio is sure: Kurapika wants him, wants him to stay. 

  
  
Yet he still wakes in the morning to empty, knotted bedsheets.

  
  
Perhaps lust burns brighter than love, he thinks as he grabs his things. Perhaps he should have asked Kurapika if this was goodbye, or if this was just the other hunter releasing tension. Leorio wouldn't have gotten offended. He would have understood and gone along with it but this way...Leorio didn't know. Desperate hope had been ignited in him but his train ride was still paid for and waiting, and Kurapika's things were gone from the room. 

  
  
He called three times and no answer came. Each time, Kurapika's voicemail seemed colder and colder.

  
  
Leorio was mistaken, he thought. The red could have meant many things and he had known they would all part eventually; Killua and Gon were off on their own adventures and really, Leorio had studying to do and a clinic to open in his hometown. His place wasn't here, though Kurapika's was as he sought revenge and justice. But, he thought beneath a wave of despair, if the blond had asked, Leorio would have stayed, would have made a place here, would have done anything. 

  
  
Eventually, he left for the train station, arriving in the nick of time which meant shoving his shoe into the closing door and arguing until his ticket was accepted. Though the car was loaded, he felt painfully alone and by the time he reached the docks...he had accepted it, the mistake. He was a fool to think Kurapika could have any use for him, that he wanted them to stay together. Holding his head in his hands as he leaned against the railing of the ship, he told himself these truths again and again but the memory would not fade. Regardless of the reason behind the vibrant color, he couldn't help but remember the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen looking down at him.

  
  
Red like lust, red like desperation, red like passion. But not love.

 

\---

 

His phone rings, startling him.

 

It hasn’t rung in six years and he often wondered why he charged it or bothered with a cellphone in the first place. He didn’t rely on technology here in the small village he grew up; the locals were too poor for phones and televisions and often times even radios.

 

Around the fourth ring, he finally lunged forward, “ This is Leorio.”

 

“ ...”

 

His brow furrowed at the silence and then, hearing a shuddering breath, he knew. The raven haired man gaped in surprise and then began softly, painfully; he felt a lump form in his throat, “ Kurapika...?”

 

“I did it. “

 

The soon-to-be-doctor’s heart skipped a beat and he felt oddly hollow, “You found them all?”

 

“I need to take them home, “ Kurapika paused for a long time and while his voice sounded the same if deeper, his tone was...off; he was so cold and composed and Leorio felt his own words getting caught in his throat, “ I need to put them to rest.”

 

His ears begin to ring and in all his imaginings he had never expected them to reunite like this. But he should have; of course this was how it would be yet he didn’t know why he felt so...heartbroken. He had figured that the four of them would reunite at some point, that Kurapika would speak to him after he came to his senses but six years went by and after so many years of treating patients, of keeping to himself and studying, and remembering his foolish hopes...It didn’t seem fair but he was an idiot, wasn’t he, and loyal to a fault. 

 

“Tell what you need me to do.”

 

As he hurries to pack, he leaves behind a mug of tea that has long gone cold.

 

\----

 

“Gon!”

 

“Leorio!”

 

He sweeps the boy, no, teen into a hug and while Gon has become long limbed and toned, he’s still not caught up to Leorio’s height. Killua approaches with a good humored eyeroll, having grown aswell and it’s painful, for a moment, to be reminded that years have gone by. He’d noted the deepening of their voices the infrequent times they answered his phone calls, as he mother-henned them as well as one could from another continent but seeing it was harder to ignore. 

 

“Thought you weren’t coming in until noon?”

 

He ruffles Gon’s hair and then shoves his hands into his pockets, eyes already searching for blond hair in the crowded train station, “ Lucky for you, I managed to get on an earlier boat. Pricier but worth it.”

 

“You're a doctor now, “ Killua quips, “ You can afford it.”

 

Leorio huffs because since he rarely charges patients, taking the loss or accepting food or favors for treatment, he had forked over quite a bit getting here. But he wasn't going to mention it, and really he didn't have the opportunity before he was addressed again.

 

“Kurapika is at the hotel.” Gon says innocently, causing him to jump, “He had to finish some last minute things or he would have come-”

 

“Yeah, I get it, “ Leorio said, sighing because while he was disappointed, he also felt some of his anxiety leave; he wasn’t sure he was ready to face Kurapika just yet, “ We leaving Friday?”

 

“Tonight.”

 

“Great, I guess we can- Wait, tonight?!”

 

Killua smirks, “ Well, we were waiting on you and since you’re here now...”

 

“What, no celebration dinner? “ Leorio whined but the truth was he felt like he needed a 12 hour nap before he was ready for more travel. He had taken two boats, and a train to get here and that didn’t even factor in the ox cart he took from his hometown to a main city. But he could understand the rush. Kurapika was probably anxious to get to Luksho with the eyes in tow, before someone caught wind. Plus, the journey ahead was long so the sooner they started, the sooner they could all return to their lives. Leorio didn’t know how he felt about that last part but he wouldn’t make a big fuss. They probably expected him to whine a bit but instead of laughing him off as expected, both teens suddenly straightened. Two pairs of eyes assessed him and then when he was officially uncomfortable, Killua declared,

 

“Let’s go eat. “

 

“But Kurapika-”

 

“You look like you could use it, “ Gon said easily, “ And he’ll call when he’s done.”

 

Oddly nervous, Leorio frowned and swallowing down a jab about Kurapika not being the best at communication, he shuffled a bit under their scrutiny, “ Hey, I’m not gonna turn down food. But maybe a celebratory nap would be better. ”

 

“ You sound like an old man, “ Gon and Killua exchanged a quick look, the white haired teen scoffing half heartedly as he led the way to the station’s main exit, “A nap, really?”

 

“Hey, I’m nearly 30. I am an old man, “ Leorio grumbled with a small smile, “ Back home I’ve been known to yell at kids in my yard and I swear, I’m getting grey at my edges.”

 

“I don’t see any grey, “ Gon reported, cocking his head to each side as he looked Leorio over; the older brunet just laughed. The cold evening air hit them hard but walking along the strip, they passed many restaurants that offered to-go. Not really hungry, even with so many tantalizing smells, Leorio still forked over a few bills to cover a greasy burger and bottled water that they stuffed in a bag for him. Some things never change, he thought when Killua and Gon got armfuls of candy and junk food for their “celebratory dinner”.

 

A gentle drizzle had begun by the time they reached the hotel, Gon using a keycard to get them to the fifth floor and door 506 open. Heart beating rapidly, Leorio looked into the dimly lit room as the door shut behind them, eyes automatically seeing Kurapika hunched over paperwork at a small desk. The rain tapped against the big window straight ahead, the city lights brighter than the desk lamp.

 

“Thank you for coming, all of you, “ Kurapika said, not looking away from his writing.

 

“Of course we’d come, “ Killua said, Gon nodding furiously but Leorio found himself speechless. He hadn’t expected something grand but the fact that after six years, after a goodbye like no other...the doctor fisted his hands, unable to ignore the hurt growing stronger. The three of them were being addressed like they were hired guns, not friends or past...past bedmates. But he could tell Kurapika had changed since he had left and that allowed him to regain some sense of composure. He suspected the blond hunter was in a state of grief so perhaps he should be more understand. Finally, after a long silence in which Kurapika continued to write...

 

“Of course.”

 

He felt Gon tugging at his elbow and suddenly the food they’d purchased was the least appetizing thing Leorio could think of. Ignoring the whispered conversation around him, he settled in a distance armchair.

 

“Wake me when we’re ready to head out, “ he muttered, asleep before an answer came.

 

\-----

 

“You’re the lightest.”

 

Leorio huffs, “ I’m heads taller than you brats. Killua’s probably the lightest. He should go first.”

 

“You’re the lightest, “ Gon repeats Kurapika’s words with a cheerful tone and wide eyes; he says it so matter of factly that Leorio wonders if the kid can really determine how heavy something is just by eyeballing it. After a moment's consideration, he frowns because he’s learned not to doubt Gon when he makes statements but he still doesn’t believe it, and honestly, it sounds like a dig about him being the weakest of them.

 

“Gon and me are probably the heaviest because of our muscles, “ Killua argues, “Hurry up and go.”

 

Leorio scowls and begins crossing his arms when a hand collides with his back, sending him forward. His arms pinwheel and when he finally regains his balance, he turns to glare at the three younger hunters. Kurapika raises a judgmental eyebrow, clearly impatient which almost makes Leorio lose his temper; he didn’t have to be here, didn’t have to follow the blond bodyguard to his hometown. And he could damn well change his mind and go home to his shack of a clinic and his many patients. If Kurapika honestly thought he’d put up with his attitude- But then he paused; he was overreacting, because he had come because he was stupid enough to think something, anything could be rekindled. He didn’t have a right to be angry, and while he still wasn’t exactly happy, he forced himself to calm when he saw Gon’s encouraging expression. Swallowing his turbulent emotions, Leorio began walking across, grumbling the whole way.

 

It’s an easy walk, and the board doesn’t sway even when a strong gust nearly sends him to the river below. He kneels at that point, already halfway and crawls to the other side. Gon had estimated the pathetically crafted bridge was about 3.5 miles and it was at the 1 mile point that Kurapika started walking across. At 2 miles came Killua and by the time Gon jumped up and easily began strutting across the thin bridge, Leorio was on the other side. He looked around, because the land they had come from was dusty and desert like but on the other side of the bridge everything was green and covered in thick foliage. He could recognize some of the plants, common weeds and mild herbs that he half heartedly plucked, but the others were strangely colored. 

 

He didn’t have long to contemplate them before he heard a crack. To his horror, the bridge was wobbling as both teens started to run across it. It collapsed at the 3 mile mark and Gon quickly pulled out his fishing rod, his pack falling to the chasm below. He grabbed his friend in a leaping tackle, the bridge disappearing beneath the boy’s feet just as the hook coiled itself around a nearby tree. Leorio ran to the edge, watching as the line pulled taut and they came flying towards the ledge on the other side. They landed in a giggling heap

 

“Damnit, how are we going to get back?”

 

Kurapika sighed, “ We’ll figure that out later, I suppose.”

 

“Cross that bridge when we come to it?” Leorio muttered as he reached forward to ruffle Gon’s spiky hair to ease his own worry; Killua ducked away from his other hand.

 

They continued on their journey, allowing Kurapika to guide them; the blond hadn’t spoken much since they had met up in the city and so hearing him speak seemed to quiet all of them, Leorio in particular who didn’t even comment on the scenery or taking a break. After some hours, said doctor let out a sigh of relief when their blond leader came to a halt and began to shrug off his pack. The three of them followed suit, waiting to speak after Kurapika had taken their canteens and wandered off without a word

 

“I’ll set up tents and bedrolls, “ Leorio said, carefully holding his breath so none would notice he was panting ever so slightly.

 

“Firewood, “ Killua said cheerfully as he headed into the brush; Gon was ready to follow when Leorio nudged him. Afterall, despite their strength and abilities to handle most everything, it was still a fact that together the two were bound to get into trouble. And, though he wouldn’t outright admit it, he’d missed the kid and Gon seemed to be the only won who hadn’t changed a bit, and perhaps was honestly happy to see Leorio.

 

“Wanna make the fire?”

 

Gon blinked then nodded happily, “ Sure! Do you have flint or matches? My stuff kinda...was in my pack.”

 

“I do, I do, “ Leorio paused when he heard Gon’s stomach rumbling and eyeing the rations placed alongside the box of matches inside his briefcase, he quickly threw one to the spiky haired pre-teen as soon as the notion fully formed. Afterall, he needed it more than Leorio and it was almost a relief, not having to force it down, “ I’ll get the fire started, you just add a bit of water to that, alright?”

 

“Sure, “ Gon chirped, then paused, “ Hey, Leorio?”

 

“What?”

 

The spikey hair teen frowned and his eyes, so keenly observant, made the soon to be doctor shift nervous. What could be on Gon’s mind that he would shed the childlike demeanor? At last, a sheepish statement came that had Leorio looking pointedly away, “ You’re different than before.”

 

“Hm? How so?”

 

Gon bites his lip, “ Quieter, sadder. Me and Killua did miss you. When you would call you seemed okay but now-”

 

“What? I’m not sad, promise. Even if everybody changes a little as they get older, “ the older male says this quickly because this really isn’t a conversation he wants to have; then, he grins, “ But not me. I’m just the same old devilishly handsome almost-doctor, wooing the ladies, raking in the dough-”

 

Gon laughed and seemingly convinced, he turned to the rations with obvious hunger, causing Leorio to smile briefly as he began boiling the water impatiently. He appreciated the concern but it also bothered him, being scrutinized when he was doing just fine. Sure, he had a few worries of his own and maybe he was the tiniest bit bitter about Kurapika’s distance but he was fine. He would always be fine; after all, it was his job to take care of others, not have people taking care of him.

 

Getting to work, by the time Kurapika and Killua returned there was a bubbling pot of stew waiting which tasted better than it had looked in its dehydrated state. While the others settled down to eat, Leorio just threw another meal pack to Killua in case they wanted seconds and crawled inside one of the two tents. It wasn’t that he was avoiding conversation, just that he wasn’t use to adventuring; having been an almost doctor and a student these past four years made him sedentary and while it was maybe pathetic, he was honestly tired. Curling up on the somewhat comfortable bedroll, he dozed for some time before a hand on his shoulder roused him. When had it gotten dark?

 

“Gon saved you stew.“ Kurapika said flatly, his frowning face barely visible in the dim light but the smell of stew was strong; Leorio didn’t know what sparked his temper but irritation flared within him. After six years, why pretend to care about something so dumb as if he got a serving of stew, he thought? The blond hadn’t talked to him other than single syllables since they had left the city a week ago so why now? Was it only because Gon asked? He rolled over with a petulant grumble, feeling guilty but still hurt as Kurapika took the bowl and left without another word.

 

It takes some time before he gets back to sleep and it feels like he’s only shut his eyes for a millisecond before Killua is kicking him and telling him to wake up. Sitting up in the dim light, he scratches the smell of his back and nearly dumps a bowl of stew onto his sleeping mat, having not noticed it placed on his briefcase. Frowning, he dressed and backed his things alongside Killua before taking the bowl outside and dumping it, mumbling about refilling his canteen so he could wash it out. By the time he returned, the tents were down and everyone was ready to go so he hung his briefcase over his shoulder and began to walk.

 

\--

 

Leorio jumps, tired eyes darting up from his textbook. He had almost fallen asleep again, he thought and once again contemplated calling it a night. He’s read the same words over and over in his native language, but couldn’t bring himself to give up on the chapter just yet. Afterall, how was he going to be a rural doctor when he couldn’t finish one measly chapter about herbology? He started to read again but the sight of Kurapika standing to his left, hair in disarray, was unexpected. So was the mug he held expectantly.

 

“Um.”

 

The sugar laden tea was set beside him with a loud clatter along with a good sized apple. Just as quickly as he’d appeared Kurapika left, heading back to the single bedroom the four of them were piled into. That was perhaps part of the reason he didn’t want to go to bed because while he had accepted that they would need to share a sleeping space in the tiny hut they’d set up in...the sound of Kurapika’s even breaths, and the somewhat spicy scent of the blond hunter...Leorio sighed and rubbed his face. Things had continued to be tense between the two of them and it worked, given they could ignore each other for the most part but twice now, the hunter had brought him food. Honestly, Leorio would much prefer something like an actual verbal response, a good morning or a hello but.... No matter how often Leorio wanted them to be friends again, wanted things to be easy and normal, he couldn’t imagine it. It just...hurt, being around Kurapika and he thought maybe it would always be like this.

 

After a long moment of contemplation, he stood and headed to the kitchen. It lacked appliances, just a wood stove and a sink as well as cabinets full of old fashioned, dusty dishes and utensils. They had arrived the day before and Kurapika had set up for the ceremonies to come while the rest of them tidied up the hut as best they could. He carefully set the apple aside (he was not being childish, he assured himself; Kurapika would understand he was saving it for breakfast, that he was going to bed and didn’t want to eat right before) before, with a frown, dumping the steaming tea down the sink. Heading back to his textbooks, he doesn't know when he falls asleep but he wakes long after daybreak to voices and dry drool on his cheek. 

 

Yawning, he scratched at the small of his back as he went to get coffee; he nearly regretted getting up at all since it was absolutely freezing throughout the house. However, someone had been kind enough to fill the coffee press so he filled his nose with the wonderful aroma the same time he filled his cup. He had had begun to raise the liquid to his lips when a hand grazed his shoulder to get his attention. Mug still in hand, he turned to Kurapika with unease, noting his serious expression.

 

“Gon, I thought you wanted to grocery shop today?”

 

The teen gasped as he lept down from his chair, apple in hand, “ Oh yeah! We gotta go or else we’ll return after dark!”

 

Both boys left in a flurry of movement and feeling sheepish, Leorio started to head back to his makeshift nest to either study or nap on his textbooks. He would have offered to go with Gon and Killua, who had been excited about making the journey to a not so nearby town for food and supplies, but honestly didn’t feel up to anything. He didn’t feel rested and he likewise didn’t believe he’d retain much herbology but he needed something to occupy him. He wasn’t avoiding Kurapika, he told himself, if nothing else, the blond was avoiding him so it came as a surprise when a hand to coiled around his bicep, the grip firm.

 

“You’ve lost weight.”

 

Leorio pauses as he tries to control his breathing and teeth which threaten to chatter. He really should go get dressed and go study and most importantly go somewhere away from the scrutinizing hunter. He told himself that he didn’t know what Kurapika meant and let out a disbelieving scoff, “ Naw, it’s the suit jacket. Adds a bulk. Or my vibrant personality makes me seem larger.”

 

“Leorio, as a doctor, surely you know your behavior isn’t healthy. ” Kurapika says bluntly, making Leorio sputter though he can’t quite come up with a retort. He felt irrationally angry with Kurapika for throwing that in his face and he couldn’t understand how Kurapika justified commenting on Leorio’s life choices? So his appetite wasn’t as strong as it once was; he’d make up for it eventually and it wasn’t Kurapika’s business. If Leorio did his job as hired muscle then it didn’t matter, he thought but the blond seemed to ignore his clear upset. 

 

“I’ll make you creamed wheat, “ Kurapika says as he turns to the stove; Leorio’s stomach turns just imagining the heavy, milky dish.

 

“It’s a waste of time, “ Leorio says quickly, then goes in for the kill because surely this subject change will end the conversation, “  I know you have a lot to do today with the burial rites.”

 

Kurapika freezes but recovers quickly, unexpectedly and perhaps Leorio doesn’t know him as well as he thought...or perhaps he had grown even more stubborn in the last four years as well as stoic, “The cleansing ceremony lasts three days. We have to wait for that to end.“

 

Flinching at the sharpness of the reply, Leorio quickly escapes the room, still smelling the dust they had worked most of yesterday to get rid of. Kurapika continued to clatter about in the kitchen, and perhaps his offer was because he needed something to fill the hours until the next part of the burial ceremony. It must be painful to return after so many years and to step back into the world you’d grown up in. The abandoned home on the outskirts of the village was a different style than they were used to but Kurapika had moved easily inside. 

 

Grape vines were coiling onto the small home from the east side, onto the roof where moss was growing in impressive clumps; they had had to wade through foliage to get to the door and yet the inside was fine if clearly uninhabited for years. But they had cleaned it out easily, and made it liveable for the next two months. The yard had been tamed and they had unpacked their provisions, set up for the long haul, and meticulously planned a trip to town. It was a long trip by foot but Killua and Gon had seemed excited to go, but without them...there were fewer distractions, Leorio noted anxiously.

 

Moving through the wide doorways, he entered the large room the others were using to sleep in. Leorio was tempted to go to sleep and maybe that would provide him the escape he needed. If he slept now, when the others were gone, he could explain why he stayed awake to study when Kurapika came to bed. And he could also hide from the offerings of food and the awkward silences that would test him without Killua and Gon. Grabbing his button up and suit jacket as well as pants and socks, he dressed quickly as the cool air stole his meager body heat. Once down, he laid on his untouched bedroll and threw a blanket over his head.

 

He was slowly warming up when Kurapika entered the room, taking even steps as whatever he carried rattled; Leorio had to bite his lip, worried he may just upchuck the single sip of coffee from before. 

 

For the record, he didn’t have a problem eating, he thought nervously as he heard Kurapika kneel. He ate plenty and doctors always recommend you not eat when you weren’t hunger since eating out of boredom or as an emotional outlet was unhealthy. In Leorio’s case, he simply wasn’t hungry and so he didn’t eat but when he was hungry, when he needed to, he could easily devour double the necessary caloric intake. But he can’t express these concerns, certain that Kurapika that will reject each and every one. Aswell, the blond’s words are abrupt.

 

“You’re mad at me.”

 

Leorio bites his tongue.

 

“You have a right to be, “ the younger man pauses, “ For what it’s worth, I wanted to reach out to you, afterwards.”

 

“What stopped you?” Leorio snapped and Kurapika says nothing for several long moments. The raven haired male grits his teeth to keep the shouts at bay because it hurts, aches just like every time he sat and worried about Kurapika these past six year, every time he checked his phone to see no calls had been returned, every time Gon or Killua mentioned seeing Kurapika or hearing from Kurapika while Leorio sat and worried, every time he woke in the night remembering burning red eyes. He feels like he may hate him when he hears him stand and leave the room, hate him for every bit of loneliness and self hate he’s caused him, but Leorio knows...it’s exactly the opposite.

  
  
  
  


\---

Leorio feels strangely disconnected; wasn’t he just digging a grave? The cleansing had ended and the eyes had been cremated along with lavender and white oak. As the ashes cooled they had worked in two teams to make a marker and a grave and then... He still remembered the sun bearing down on him, the smell of dirt and the rough handle of the shovel but his thoughts were darting away from him. He was cold and sleepy but something was nagging at his subconscious, a sound, a word- His head lolled and then he heard it, two voices calling out a nonsense word that he eventually recognized as his name.

 

“-rio!”

 

“Open your eyes-”

 

Leorio did as he was told, feeling oddly shaky; low blood sugar he assumed but he had eat breakfast, he thought, though he didn’t remember what. The world spun as he sat up, or rather was sat up as Killua and Gon crowded him on either side.

 

“You awake?”

 

He looks to the grey haired teen and it’s horrible knowing he put the worry there, that he has caused a scene. Gon looks beside him and Leorio lowers his gaze then, guilty. He just wants it to be like it was before, easy going and nic...

 

“Leorio?”

 

“Sorry, overheated, “ he tries but he knows if either of them lets go of him, he’ll fall back into the grassy ground.

 

The sun is eclipsed suddenly as Kurapika leans over him, his hair so soft and neat around his serious face; Leorio’s heart beats painfully because he still cares for him yet he still hasn’t gotten a handle on the sense of betrayal. It’s bad enough loving someone from afar with absolutely no hope. It’s another thing entirely when you love someone, only you’re tossed aside afterwards. It’s no ones fault but his own, he knows; he read too much into it and isn’t that the story of his life, feeling too much, not thinking ahead. He should have been able to accept it after six years, that the night they spent together was just one night, one that Kurapika didn’t think much about. He feels tears filling his eyes as he looks into red eyes that glow just as they had six years ago but it’s not love, he tells himself. It’s anything but and it’s just as painful now as it was then when toned arms wrap around him and blond hair tickles his skin. He must be dreaming, he thinks, blinking in the sudden embrace.

 

“Idiot....” Leorio winces but the conversation doesn’t go as expected, “ I’m such an idiot. I thought...you’d be better off if I did this all on my own. But really...I was a coward. For so long revenge was all I had...but then I couldn’t handle losing you too so I pushed you away..”

 

A quivering inhale sends alarm right down Leorio’s spine and clarity returns; he feels the tightness of the embrace and two hands on his shoulders as his friends propping him up and he just feels so pathetic, so useless. Kurapika’s words did not bring him comfort, only shame. It was no wonder they sent him away; he was a weakness to be exploited, a hindrance that would have prevented this day of justice for the Kurta clan. He should be able to accept that they had their own lives and goals, should be able to admire the strength of his friends as they grew in strength and experience. He knew each of them had different paths in life, different wants which he was too weak to help with; he should be happy each of them were making headway, even himself as he worked as a doctor and yet...he expected too much of them, and here he was, burdening them again. This should be about Kurapika, about supporting him and yet he was causing problems, all because he needed to much from them. If he wasn’t so weak, so desperate for companionship and approval and love- he starts to slump, his breaths uneven.

 

“Let’s get him inside, “ Killua advises, “ Gon, lift on three-”

 

He furrows his brow, irritated; his grumbles fall on deaf ears, “ Wait, wait-”

 

“Three!”

  
He closes his eyes slowly as they talk around him, seeing flickering lights in his vision; wasn’t he just digging a grave?


End file.
